Examining the Law of Attraction

This week’s blog features an excellent question I received about how manifesting, fate, and karma are all interconnected. Enjoy!

Q. Many of us have heard the popular idea that anyone can be, do, or have whatever they want. Is this true? It sounds nice, though also too simple of a concept to take literally. I think that every soul comes into the world in each incarnation with a specific purpose, various experiences to go through to help the soul grow and learn, etc. If everything the person wanted were to come to him, or at least arrive so easily, what would be the point of this life? I’ve even read some Kabbalah-related texts where it says that the main form of free will that we have in this world is choosing how we respond to situations.

A. As far as the whole notion of the destiny of the soul, I think that what you wrote is an accurate reflection of one aspect of the metaphysical reality of our journey in this life. That is to say, we all have a certain amount of karma ‘carried over’ that we have to go through in order to grow and learn. But not everything is bound by fate. We also have free will, and more of it in direct proportion to the amount of karma we’ve resolved.

In terms of manifesting whatever we want, theoretically anything is possible. We are creative beings with intention and imagination, and much of what we visualize can come to pass. But not like some magical formula as suggested in The Secret, the movie that popularized the concept of the Law of Attraction. The part that many viewers gloss over is the fact that not everything comes as easily as we might expect or want.

Some things take years to materialize, often requiring a great deal of personal sacrifice and self-discipline. On that count, the Kabbalah-related texts stressing the will to choose how we respond to situations could be extrapolated upon. Which means the choices we make will also determine what our options are in terms of realizing our dreams. Plenty of bright souls have come to the sobering realization that they spent too much time wasted on lesser pursuits and distractions when they should have been developing their God-given talents.

So, just to bring this conversation down from the abstract, if you have goals and dreams you would really like to accomplish, I think it is definitely worth going for it! But remember that things don’t always turn out the way we expect. If we “Let go and let God,” though, in the end things tend to turn out better than we could have imagined. Hope that helps!

Q. Thank you, Stephen. In regards to your last point, it’s true that when we set goals we have to take some steps toward them and trust that if it’s meant to be then things will flow along to allow us to reach success. Sometimes it may take longer, though, for example if you still need to earn some money while on the side working on building a company/idea, but also sometimes you can start delving more into things without having everything ‘in place.’

A. You're welcome and I agree with you about not having to wait for everything to be in place. Sometimes that’s part of the risk we have to be willing to take and then also be willing to stick with it through thick and thin.

Working with a spiritual teacher

Q: Do we need to work directly with a spiritual teacher to become fully self-realized, or can we awaken our true nature on our own?

A: The most direct and honest answer is that it really depends on the person. Some people are able to achieve a complete awakening on their own, while others need the personal guidance of a spiritual teacher. A definite modern trend is for people to gather spiritual teachings and practices from a variety of different sources, like Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, or Byron Katie, and then apply what they’ve learned on their own.

It is also possible to encounter teachers in more subtle ways. Like the right book serendipitously falling off a shelf. Or a message in a movie that speaks to us deeply. Or a chance encounter with a fellow pilgrim who imparts a pearl of wisdom. This is all part of a very real mystical phenomenon known as synchronicity, which is the magical way life has of responding to our deepest desires and intentions to discover and know the absolute truth. “When the student is ready,” it has been said, “the teacher will appear.” In other words, the teacher is not always a person. If we are open to receiving these messages, life itself can help direct our steps on the path.

Still, there are some very convincing reasons why we may also choose to work personally with a spiritual teacher.

One of the main functions of a spiritual teacher is to provide accurate information and proper guidance about how to make progress on the path of awakening. No doubt we are living in an age of unprecedented access to information via the web, which means that anyone with a computer can ask The Great Google all kinds of questions about how to become enlightened – and get all sorts of answers, too.

In my experience, however, this approach can be problematic for some seekers. First, there is a lot of content online that is either partially or completely inaccurate, and many people don’t always know how to tell the difference. Second, gathering knowledge doesn’t necessarily translate into progress. As Morpheus says to Neo in the Matrix, “Sooner or later you’re going to realize just as I did that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

On both counts, working with a spiritual teacher can be an invaluable source of help and inspiration. A good spiritual teacher will constantly encourage you to make progress, and, frankly, nothing beats the live interaction with a real person who can answer your questions directly, providing you with sage advice about possible next steps, as well as potential pitfalls to be avoided along the way.

Another benefit of working directly with a spiritual teacher is that he or she will tell you when you’re not quite on the right track and hold you accountable until you are. I’ve had people tell me during the initial stages of working together that talking with me feels similar to talking with a good friend, so what is the difference between what I do and what they are already getting from their friends?

Well, I have a useful saying that speaks to this: “A good spiritual teacher is your true self’s best friend and your ego’s inevitable enemy.” Quite often our friends will coddle our egos rather than shake them up, in their caring effort to provide emotional support. But a truth-centred and solution-focused teacher has no interest in coddling anyone’s ego. Rather, a good teacher will help you become aware of your ego’s tricky defenses and avoidance ploys, and will offer corrections and feedback that is ultimately more useful and beneficial for your evolution.

And, of course, as with anything we wish to pursue with more dedication and mastery, how we do that is often by learning from a teacher. Want to be better at delivering jokes? Spend time with comedians and pay close attention to the art and science of joke making. Want to become a welder? Apprentice with a professional. Farmer? Intern for a season. And what if you want to awaken your true nature? Live from your most authentic self? Transform the very ground of your being? Same thing applies. Immerse yourself in all things beneficial for awakening your true nature. Read, meditate, reflect, share, and yes, ask for guidance, when you need it, from someone who is awake or has made enough progress on the path that they are able to offer valuable advice.

At the end of the day, we are our own ultimate authority, because it’s our own true nature that we must discover and know. The Buddha said it best: “Don’t take my word for it. Find out for yourself!” That doesn’t mean spiritual teachers have no value on the path. The point is that they show us the way. It’s up to each person to follow the injunctions in the same way that a scientist tests hypotheses using experiments. The only difference is that we are testing out prescribed spiritual practices and checking for results in the laboratory of our own consciousness and lives.

The difference between masculine and feminine spirituality

Q. What’s the difference between masculine and feminine spirituality?

A. There is no difference at the level of true nature. When we’re in touch with our true nature it’s sexless and genderless, and so we understand that at the ultimate level of identity, who and what we are is also sexless and genderless.

At the same time, there are certain qualities that we tend to think of as more masculine or more feminine. For example, qualities such as care, concern, love, compassion and so forth are typically considered more feminine, whereas qualities like strength, courage, conviction and ambition are commonly regarded as masculine.

When we’re living from our true nature, such distinctions no longer have as much meaning. We see clearly that they’re all just various qualities that we can experience and express as human beings, or different ways that our true nature expresses and manifests itself through us. So, a fully awakened, well-rounded individual will access all the above qualities and many more, regardless of his or her sex or gender.

This means a fully enlightened woman will access all of the so-called masculine qualities and still very much be a woman, and vice versa. An enlightened man is completely comfortable and able to express all of the qualities that we would normally associate with being a woman and still feel like a man. In fact, a person really stops making the inner distinction between being either a man or a woman altogether after enlightenment. One simply is what one is, whether male or female.

Lastly, in terms of the inner work that’s needed to make progress on the path as it relates to this topic, what is required is examining any cultural conditioning based on gender or sex that we may have received that either limits or prevents us from allowing whatever qualities need to come through us in the moment.

Masculine and feminine spirituality on another level

There is another aspect of this topic that I would like to touch upon. It’s a big part of my teaching, which is that the spiritual path has two primary movements. One is an ascending movement; the other is a descending movement. Both are needed to complete what I call the arc of enlightenment. Here’s a quick breakdown of what I mean:

The first part of the spiritual journey is universally described as an ascent, which typically involves raising one’s consciousness to higher and wider perspectives, until ultimately one’s perspective spirals out so far and wide that it literally merges with the perspective of the Transcendent, which is revealed to be the absolute source of everything in existence. But that’s only a halfway point on the spiritual path. It’s kind of the culmination of what we could call the masculine-oriented goal of the spiritual path, the pursuit of total freedom and liberation from the world of form.

Once we reach this goal there is also a corresponding sense that one is situated above everything, beyond the world and even outside of space and time altogether. Your perspective can even radically shift so that you actually feel like you’re no longer in your body. The body becomes something objectified from this absolute and transcendental perspective. That is why you’ll sometimes hear or read about spiritual realizers (men and women alike) referring to their own body and mind as ‘the body’ and ‘the mind’ as if it’s something that no longer belongs to them anymore. Because their perspective has been so radically expanded, they no longer think in terms of being identified with something so small.

At the same time, if one attains this level of self-realization, which is often considered the ultimate spiritual goal, eventually there comes a time when the self or soul feels inclined to descend and come back down into the body and the world. In terms of the masculine/feminine dyad, we could say that this downward movement or aspect of the arc of enlightenment is the more feminine-oriented goal. To put it in terms of one of the oldest spiritual archetypes, Father Sky comes down to Mother Earth. The higher self reanimates and becomes re-embodied in the body in order to live more fully in the world once again.

What’s ironic is that the culmination of the spiritual path is a return to the body and the world – the two things that our souls struggle to escape from in order to fully rediscover our true nature. In other words, we have to leave our bodies and the world behind in order to become enlightened. But we don’t stay high in the sky, so to speak. We come back down to the earth. The difference is that upon our return we no longer feel disconnected from the transcendental source of existence the way we did prior to the journey of ascent. We bring the boon of enlightenment with us – the knowledge of true nature in the form of a direct connection, a living sense of still being in contact with the eternal and immortal source of existence itself, while simultaneously living in our mortal bodies and this temporal world.

So that’s another way of describing the connection between the masculine and feminine aspects of the spiritual journey.

Living Enlightenment

The inspiration for this blog came about through my work as a spiritual coach. I've noticed over time that seekers who approach me for guidance often struggle with similar types of questions that arise for them on the spiritual path.

Questions such as:

-Is my life significant? Do my actions really matter?
-Isn't happiness the meaning of life?
-How can I become a better person?
-What are some concrete steps I can take to become enlightened?

If you've had similar questions on your own journey, stick around and read on. Each week or so, I'll share a short Q&A session to guide you on your path.

We start today with a question I received yesterday:

Q: Steve, can you help me understand the following quote? It’s by Thich Nhat Hanh. "There is no enlightenment outside of daily life." What exactly does that mean?

A: Well, it can be interpreted many different ways. But maybe one of the most relevant ways is that enlightenment is about becoming a better person, not about escaping the trials and tribulations of your everyday life.

How does that look? you may ask. Well, how do you “show up” in terms of all your relationships? In other words, how do you interact with all the people in your life?

Your friends? Your family? Your parents, siblings, or children? How do you approach your family obligations? How are you when you’re at home?

What about your co-workers? What’s your attitude towards work?

Do you make each of these areas of your life a better place for everyone? Or do you spend your time complaining and taking away from the collective experience, making the environment a toxic one?

All these areas of your life are reflections of where you’re at in terms of your personal development and spiritual growth, which are really one and the same thing. In other words, the real measure of spiritual progress is the way we live our lives, which is evidenced by the way you think and act and treat other people.

At the same time, there is no need to get obsessive about this idea. Enlightenment does not carry the heavy burden or weight of some religious commandment. In fact, a huge part of the freedom of awakening comes from realizing the fact that there’s nothing you have to do to become a better person. You already have all the basic qualities needed to be a well-rounded human being – someone who is uniquely you. Enlightenment or self-realization simply reveals your true nature, and as long as you act from that place, it automatically brings out the best that is already in you.

It is also worth mentioning that enlightenment is not an end in and of itself. We don’t try to experience the absolute or the transcendent so that we can think to ourselves, “Ahh, finally, I’ve become enlightened...I’ve realized the absolute truth, therefore I’m more special than others because I came to the same realization that the Buddha came to.” No, spiritual realization is simply for the purpose of understanding who or what you already are, which consequently also makes you way more sensitive to the importance of living your life with real humility, but also integrity. In real-world terms, you tend to do the right thing more often simply because you know it is the right thing to do. Plain and simple. What’s more, this ability becomes easier because your ego stops getting in the way. You end up dropping all sorts of hang-ups and issues (i.e., judgments, resentments, regrets, expectations), which is what creates or exacerbates most of the actual problems we experience in our lives in the first place.